i hate goodbyes...

I just found out that not just one but two of my favorite people I have had the chance to see on a daily basis are leaving my daily life.  And my heart is breaking.  I have said it many times, yet I cannot accept it.  I hate change. I despise goodbyes.  Deep down, I'm thrilled for both of them.  But selfishly, I want to cling to them and somehow convince them to stay. To keep things as is. Because as is...well it's good...  

I'm wondering what on earth I'm going to do without them.  Their support. Their friendship. Their humor. Yes, they need to move on with their lives, but it stinks for the people who feel the void.  Namely, me.

I love my job, but every year come June, it is like a cruel punishment sneaks up on me--bam? It's over.  This year is no exception.  My kids. Oh, how I love them.  I tear up thinking how HARD this year has been yet how life-giving it has been as well.  I cannot stand the fact that time continues to march on.  Why can't we freeze it?  In this little sweet spot in my life?

For a million years, I thought by the time I reached my current age, I wanted to be married with kids.  And while these are the deepest desires I have still to this day, I have come to love my current life how it is, too. And the people in it.

But then people get new jobs and they move and they move on.  And that scares me. Tomorrow is it.  The last day in 3rd grade (for awhile anyway).  My kids need to move on.  And I need to move on and out.  The end of a short era in a classroom I fell in love with within the first 6 seconds I stepped foot in it.  The magic I felt having my first ever own classroom. A dream realized. A dream come true.

And for this opportunity--to live out my dream, I am ever grateful.  I love my kids. Past, present, and future. I love my friends. I love my adventures. And I love that I'm not in charge of any of this--life.  I simply try to do my best and let God put me where I need to be.  And hope.  That someday goodbyes won't be so gut-wrenching.  Or perhaps I can just hope for returns...that these wonderful people will circle back into my life...because it is so hard.  Goodbyes. Good grief. They stink. That's the moral of this last-day-of-school-is-tomorrow story.